I sent my big boy off into the world last week. That’s what it feels like anyway. It’s bittersweet really. I miss my small boy with the giant heart. He is away from me more than he is with me for the first time in our lives. We were both nervous and excited at the same time.

I love the start of the new school year…  first grade especially…all the kids in clean new shoes, fresh haircuts and pigtails, missing teeth everywhere.  Seeing the classroom all nice and neat, Isaiah was so excited to have his very own desk where he could have a picture of his family and his water bottle. He sits right in front.  He bought lunch in the cafeteria the very first time today for Friday, pizza day. My boy who loves veggies was excited about the salad bar. “Just like Souplantation but smaller,” he said, and “I felt like a grown up because I could reach everything and choose whatever I wanted!” He even got to buy ice cream, the little cup kind with the cardboard lid and the wooden spoon. Some things never change! He showed me today at the store that he drank milk out of one of those cartons, only it was smaller with a  straw. Yesterday he brought home his Scholastic book order form and pored over it for half an hour trying to choose just three books. I remember that… reading every single description and circling the ones I really wanted. Some things never change and I’m grateful for it. I’m happy to share those same feelings and memories with my own children. It’s a little piece of heaven right here on earth.

I am scared really, and more sad that I care to admit to let my boy go. This was way harder than Kindergarten. Kindergarten was only for a few hours. Kindergarten was so … innocent.  This was the reason I had wanted to homeschool… to keep him close, to shelter him from peer pressure, from mean kids, from kids who watched shows he’s never even heard of and PG movies! From the big wide world!  But I know in my heart, my decision to send him to public school is the right one. He loves it and he will thrive there. His teacher has already told me that she can see how smart he is and how much he loves to learn.  I stayed until 11 the first day to help out…maybe to help me out more than anything. I have drilled him every day asking him 500 questions about his day in the car while driving home.  And then what did you do? Who did you sit by at snack/lunch? Did you eat all your lunch? Who did you play with? And then what? And after that? What was the story about? Did you play with anyone new? He’s starting to tire of this I know, but I can’t help it. I want to know every detail. If I could only be a fly on the wall.

We miss him and I’m so happy to see him at pick up time. Lil misses him. Her best friend is gone most of the day now and all she has left is boring mom who is always cleaning or fixing something in the kitchen or talking to someone on the phone. I am trying to be a good friend to her, but I just can’t replace her Bubba who was silly and funny and clever and sweet. But I love my time with her. Just me and her, holding hands, getting her haircut, grocery shopping. My little girl isn’t so little anymore either and it breaks my heart too.  She’s a kid now, and she’s funny and feisty and stubborn and sticky and cute. She makes me laugh so much. She loves to sing and jump and hop. She doesn’t walk at all, she only hops and skips and runs. She calls me Mimi and it melts my heart… her sweet little voice, so soft and innocent. We are going to try ballet/tap class next week. Went and tried on ballet shoes at the store and bought a pink leotard and tutu already. Every little girl should be a ballerina once.

She’ll be starting preschool in a week… so I’ll actually be alone for a few hours a week. My heart will be in two different places.