A letter to my daughter

Dear Lily,

It's hard to believe it's been 2 years since you came into our lives as a living doll. I remember seeing you for the first time- so little and perfect, so strong and tiny- your eyes wide open, ready to face the big wide world. I remember when they told me, I said it over and over in my head "3lbs. 7oz." I couldn't believe you were so little... I couldn't believe you were so perfect... the palm of your hand no bigger than a nickel, your head smaller than a summer peach. I remember the day your brother came to see me in the hospital, it had only been a day since I saw him last, but it seemed like a year. He seemed older and different all of the sudden, no longer my baby but your big brother. I remember counting the ounces you gained in the NICU, every one a celebration! I remember feeling a mix of nervousness and excitement when they called me just 13 days after you were born to let us know you were ready to come home. You were just over 4 lbs when you came home... even the preemie clothes were way too big. I didn't know how I would manage caring for a preemie that was so tiny and take care of my 2 and 1/2 year old at the same time. I remember watching you breathe... hypnotized by the rise and fall of your body, the peace on your face, and the miracle in my arms. I remember touching your sweet face and smelling her angel head and thinking nothing could be softer or sweeter in the world. I remember your blond hair and hazel eyes. I blinked and you went from a skinny preemie to a chubby newborn. Roll by roll you filled out, and week by week I started to feel the rhythm of being a mother of two.

I remember the feeling of guilt and sadness for Isaiah; that he was being de-throned as the only child and the center of attention... that he wouldn't feel as loved because we now had to divide our time and attention. I remember that guilt disappearing when I witnessed a love between siblings so strong that it took my breath away... and the realization that having a sibling is one of the greatest gifts in the world. I still see me and my brother in you kids... playing together, fighting, laughing, sharing secrets... creating a lifelong bond... to witness this is a dream come true for me. God has filled my cup and let it run over again and again...I don't ever want to forget that.

You were a happy baby, a sweet thing so easy going and smily. I love that you are so little. It made your babyhood seem longer and I know I will never experience the joy of another baby again... so your turning into a toddler is very bittersweet for me. You were so easy to take anywhere always with a hairbow since I made them. You became my little fashion model for all the things I created, the hairbows, headbands, dresses and legwarmers.

I feel like it was just yesterday when your personality just started to bloom...before you could really talk you were so expressive with your scruchy nose smile... the way you talked with your eyes... your first "mama" "bubba" and "dada"... your first wobbly steps. You were so chubby and jolly! Soon your chubby thunder thighs started to disapper... and the dimples in your arms started to fade. Cute, funny, crooked teeth started to emerge. Your wobbly walk turned into a jolly jaunt. Your personality exploded. You are such a mix of tomboy, girly girl and drama queen.

Your very favorite food is fish tacos, 2nd favorite is fried rice! You're definately Mexican and Asian! You love anything sweet and anything that is a carb. You hate your veggies and love fruit. Especially avocados, you'll eat those all day long. You are in love with your little lambie that you call "Nammy". You are often found with lambie's ears in your mouth, biting it! You need it to sleep and snuggle with it when you watch tv. Your favorite tv show is Peep and the Big Wide World. We think this show started your fascination with ducks! You LOVE DUCKS. You also love any kind of bird. Your favorite color is pink. I have to hide your pink shoes if I want you to wear something else because you'll throw a fit if you can't wear them, yelling "PINK, mama, PINK!" You love babies of all kind, animals and baby dolls. You carry the first little pink baby doll I bought you and like to show her things, feed her, kiss her and care for her. You love putting her on the swing with you. You also love playing "little people". You love the swing, you say "Wee fun!" every time you swing. You have suddenly become terrified of slides but you love them at the same time. You scream and scream but when you slide down you laugh and say "FUN!" Daddy and I can't stop laughing! You love to dance and always try to snap when you do!

You love your Bubba. You could never say brother so you called him Bubba from the begining. He's taught you so many things, how to count, how to sing songs, how to say "PEESE and TEEK OOH" (please and thank you). You love playing Ring around the Rosie with him. But sometimes you get extremely jealous of him when it comes to Mama. You are one demanding little diva when it comes to me, pulling me and saying "maaa-maaa peeeeeeese" whenever you need something. You're so attached to me...it's hard sometimes to be everything to you, but I try to cherish this time because you won't need me like this for long! When you are a teenager and you don't want me in your business, I'll have to remember this time when all you want is me and only I can make everything right for you. You've got your Daddy wrapped around your finger. He looks at you a special way, loves to hold you and calls you Honey. He makes you laugh like no one else can!

You're a very special girl Lil. You're sweet and funny and mean and smart! You're tiny and silly and lovely. I love you always! Happy birthday Lily girl.

Mama

Big Family picture

black and white

sepia

Mom's old pictures

Been restoring some of my mom's old pictures...

original

true black and white

sepia

TACO

Last night was Taco Tuesday and we almost always get Fish Tacos from Rubios. Well... Lily said TACO last night while she was waiting for it and I think I saw a tear in the corner of Dave's eye. TACO is on now on the list for both kids first words. We love TACOS. We can't help it.

Super Heroes and such...

Isaiah told me after school, "We played Super Heroes at the park today and I was Spiderman. But we didn't use dress up. We just used our imaginations. And Santiago was Superman and Hans was Batman because he was wearing a batman shirt."

Such boys! I love it! It's funny, Isaiah has never watched Spiderman, Batman or Superman, yet he LOVES to play Superheroes. I'm pretty sure most kids his age haven't watched the movies or shows (too mature for their age), but still- they are obsessed with the idea of it! Bad guys and good guys. Weapons and guns and swords, etc. We have none of those toys- but somehow- they still play - using a stick as a sword and their hands as pretend guns! They run around with supernatural energy- making shooting sounds and pretending to fly and scale tall buildings! I didn't know how I felt about this at first- especially the guns. But then again, I am not and never will be a boy! I think it's healthy to some degree. It's just boyness. The rough play, the competition and all... at least he is using his imagination and having fun. I'm afraid if I ban this type of play, he'll just want it more. It's just as much natural as a girl being into dolls (although the former has the potential to be much more violent).

Speaking of girl toys, Lily LOVES them! We don't have a lot of girly things- in fact- we have mostly gender neutral toys- blocks and games, wood trains and play-doh. But I won't lie to you- my heart melted when she fell in love with a babydoll at the store. I couldn't help it. There's just something so... magical about it. So nurturing and motherly. She loves to hug and kiss her dolls. And still she loves to roar like a dinosaur and crash cars! It's kind of unfair, but girls get to do both. Recently she got a happy meal toy- a my little pony with purple hair and a brush. She was so excited! She kept looking at it and trying to brush its hair. She was walking around with the pony in one hand and the brush in the other with a huge grin on her face. I was seriously so happy for me! It's so nostalgic- I loved my little ponies! I couldn't help but play with it too! I know I am in trouble. I love the boy toys too. I just love the toys- I can't help it. They are so cool these days. But the girly stuff- it's a whole 'nother world! I can't wait for barbies! If you're looking for me, I'll be in my room brushing purple unicorn ponies' plastic hair!

So big so fast

Isaiah, you are such a big boy! You are too heavy for me to hold anymore. I can’t believe you’ll soon be four. You have just a few hints of little-boy-ness left and I love still being able to see what’s left of your former baby self. You still have the cutest dimples in your hands (although they are fading fast) and your skin is still baby soft. All of the chub has disappeared along with your toddler years, but you still have a sweet round chin- not yet pointy and rugged… little hints of the baby boy are still there… I see it in your elbows and shoulders and your soft feet. I see it in your dimples and your baby hairs at the top of your forehead. You speak so well for your age that sometimes I forget that you are still 3 and I treat you like you are 5 or 6. I love you at 3 and need to remember that these are the last of the little years. My boy, I love you so- I love how you laugh so much at bedtime and love to be tickled by me. I love how you want to hide from Daddy every time he comes home. I love how you cling to me when something scary comes on even the most innocent of cartoon shows. I love how you dance to every intro to your favorite shows! You are always showing us your “new moves”. You love to pretend you are a baby animal and I am the mama animal. We play baby bird all the time. I love how you walk on the curb one foot after the other whenever possible. You wake up every day completely ready to go! You make me “play food” breakfast almost every day. I love how you want to sit on my lap when I volunteer at your preschool. I love that it takes 2 hands and all your might to shut the car door. I love the sweet sweaty dirty dog smell of you after playing hard. We went to Legoland the other day on a “date” and you LOVED the roller coasters! You’re finally tall enough to ride almost all of the rides! You are such a thrill seeker! You screamed and laughed and put your hands up in the air even on the scary parts! It was so much fun! After the rides were over you begged to go again! You got so big so fast- I loved every phase of watching you grow and learn throughout your life. I love your warm hugs so early in the morning.

Lilianna, oh my goodness- you’re turning into a toddler. You are so so sweet, I can’t stand it. I wish I could freeze you right now. You are my little sidekick. Your new walker waddle is almost gone- the teeter is almost steady now. You just had your checkup and you are almost in the 50th percentile in height and weight and in the 60th for head circumference. No evidence at all of being a preemie! You are all head, butt and gut and we love it! You’re so round and cuddly- it’s hard not to squeeze you! You don’t say much, but you sure know how to communicate. You nod your head yes, or shake your head no very purposefully- it’s so funny and cute! You love your “Bubba”. You have Big-brother-it-is- you want to do everything like him. When Bubba goes to school and it’s time to pick him up, you get so excited. You say “Bubba” and get my keys and wave “bye bye”. Your lambie lovie is your favorite comfort toy. You can’t sleep without it and you like to hug, kiss and bite her! You also LOVE dolls. You love carrying them around and showing people how you can kiss them and pat them on the back. When we go to the store you find them and show them to me. It’s hard not to buy them all for you! The pet store is one of your favorite places! You sign fish and bird and dog and are always so excited to see the animals. The birds are your favorite! I love how you shriek with joy and emphatically sign bird when we see them! You also love Elmo “Amow” and Cookie Monster (you make the funniest sign for Cookie Monster- you put your hand up to your mouth and crunch and make sounds like you’re eating a cookie). Girls just wanna have fun is our song! When it comes on you can’t help but dance (me too)! The other night I heard you talking in your sleep- you were saying “Mama” in the sweetest raspy voice- I melted. You are on the cusp of becoming a toddler- you are on the edge of talking and running. Everywhere we go people say how cute you are and can’t help but chuckle. You are very hammy. When someone says how pretty your dress is, you hold it and turn a little. You love waving to people and smiling at them like you’re on parade! You love nothing more than walking through stores! You are becoming less of a baby and more of a little girl.

Wow, having this little family is amazing. Seeing brother and sister together- playing, holding hands, and laughing together fills my heart more than I ever expected! I love you both so much and cherish this time with you when you’re both still little. The other day a lady stopped to compliment me on you both (you were holding hands walking to the car after picking Isaiah up from preschool), and she said, “I swear it was yesterday!” Confused I asked, “What was yesterday?” And she said, “I swear it was yesterday when my kids were that little! Now here I am planning my daughter’s 16th birthday.” I suspect that’s how it’s going to be. I’m going to blink and you’ll be teenagers. So big so fast. Life is funny like that. Moments stand still… days crawl by… time flies!

Isaiah says

with over-emphasized enthusiasm today, "Mmmmm, Lily's foot smells yummy!" I look over and he's holding Lily's chubby little foot up in his hand. "Really, what does it smell like?" I ask. A few seconds pass and he says, "Asparagus!" I'm still laughing!

October 31st

We were talking about going to the Harvest Festival and playing games and getting candy and Isaiah said, "Candy comes from the sky." When I questioned him more he said, "Yeah, candy comes from the sky from God's golden hand." LOL