I'm grounded

For those of you who visit my blog daily (you know who you are)- I wanted to let you know- I am grounding myself from the internet and the computer for the weekend. Nevermind that it's already 1:35 pm on Saturday- which is precisely why I'm grounding myself-because I've done nothing productive today. Just web surfed, blog watched and websurfed some more.
Meanwhile- the kitchen is a mess from last night's festivities, the carpet is unvacuumed, and there are ants in the laundry room- while I am glued to the net- doing nothing productive and Isaiah's nap time flies by! So after I publish this- I will not be emailing, blogging, checking your blogs, commenting, or leaving messages on your boards as I am usually obsessed with doing. Should you need to contact me- we will have to revert to the ancient ways of the telephone! We'll see how this weekend without my drug of choice goes. I may go through withdrawal- but I need to get something done! I'll be back on Monday! XOXO

To my son, Isaiah on his 6 month birthday.

Your short life on this earth has been a wonder, a joy and a miracle. You are straight from heaven. I always want to remember you this way- your innocence and your smiles. You are still so little, but growing and changing so fast and so much. I wish that I could freeze this period of time and travel back to it- your sweet smell, your powdery soft skin, your downy hair, your chubbiness, your laughter and even your cries. Here are 6 snapshots of you that will forever stay in my heart.

1. You're lying in my arms, nursing. You’re intoxicated, “milk-drunk” we call it. Your eyes roll back in your head and your hand grabs at the necklace Daddy game me when you were born. You open your eyes and look at the pendant, letting it dangle. It catches the light and sparkles and you stop nursing to smile at me. Even when Daddy is away at work, we will always be together- our little family.

2. It’s 7:45 am and I am awoken by a strange sound. I sit up and bed and realize it’s you, I hear you laughing on the baby monitor. I sneak into your room to see you. You’re playing by yourself, looking in your crib mirror and cracking up. You are giggling so hard! You are delighted by the “other baby” in the mirror. You wake up happy most mornings. I watch you for several minutes as you play and babble and squeal. I feel so blessed to have a happy little boy. Always smiling- just like your Daddy.

3. As soon as I put you down, you roll onto your stomach and start to move. You are so busy! You have so many places to go and so much to explore. You’re not quite crawling, but you’re moving- rocking back and forth on all fours, and inching along on your stomach. You’re fascinated with every little thing, feeling it carefully with your fingers and then trying to put it in your mouth. You won’t be little for long. Soon you will be crawling, walking, running. I cherish this time, before you want too much independence. When you still want and need your mommy.

4. We are at the drug store shopping and you are looking around happily. A man comes up to us to look at you. He is poorly dressed in many layers with odd clothes. It appears that he hasn’t showered in awhile and he looks to be homeless or impoverished. I am a little weary of him and guarded, but my instincts tell me he is harmless, just a man admiring a baby. You smile at him from ear to ear. “He smiled at me!” he says, surprised. “I’ve never seen a baby smile so much, and at me!” He looks at me with a smile that matches yours, and then down at you and says, “You’ve just made my day little one! Thank you.” You remind me that we are all the same inside, and everyone deserves sunshine and love- no matter what their circumstances.

5. You see Daddy come into the room, arriving home from work. He’s had a bad day. But as soon as he lays eyes on you, you smile so big. You seem to smile with every inch of your body. You’re not yet shy of showing emotions, like adults are. Your dad tickles you and lifts you in the air, you laugh- a special laugh- one just for him. I love seeing my two guys together- such a special father-son bond that I hope will only grow stronger. You’re so innocent and so completely happy. It’s contagious and spreads to me and your dad instantly. “How can you have a bad day, when you come home to this? My happy baby boy and my beautiful wife” he says. We’ve never smiled so much before. You bring us joy every single day.

6. It is close to your bed time and you are ready to nurse. I’ve been busy doing the dishes and wanted to finish, so I hold off feeding you for a few minutes. You start to get impatient- a sweet look of desperation in your eyes, as you are hungry and tired, so close to the edge. I stop what I’m doing to feed you. You are frantic- grabbing at my hair, my shirt, my chest. Finally, you are latched on and a wave of peace comes over you. You close your eyes and drift into wonderland. It is an amazing feeling knowing that only I, your mother can do this for you.

This is you, frozen in time. Pictures in my mind- a thousand thoughts, a million feelings and endless love.

Lecturing Strangers on Manners

So...I'm definitely a mom.

Today something happened to me that has happened to me many times before. I was trying to find a parking space at an extremely busy lot at the hospital. I was running late to meet my parents there and there were no spaces! The only way you could get a space was to wait for someone to leave. Isaiah was at his limit- he was just starting to complain... BINGO! I spotted someone walking towards her car. YIPEE, our wait was over! I put my signal on and followed behind- but not too close- I didn't want to crowd her. I was in position. As she backed out- something happened. The car in front of her in the alley started to back up! This guy was jockeying to get my space! The space that I had so patiently waited for! I did the polite honk and wave, sorry dude- this one's mine, I've been waiting for it. I couldn't believe it, he was still backing up. I did the outright honk. DUDE- this is MY SPACE- MOVE ON. I could not believe this. He didn't even acknowledge me and he actually stole my space. WHAT THE $#%* is wrong with people! I felt the rage pulsing through my veins! I was beyond mad. But I stayed calm and waited for them to park.

Now, normally- I would have given him a dirty look, muttered "jerk" under my breath and moved on (years ago I would have given him the bird and yelled profanity out the window and then moved on). But I felt the NEED to let this guy know (as if he didn't already know) just how inconsiderate he was. He and is way too young for him girlfriend (w/ way too much makeup on) walked out of the car AS IF nothing was the matter. "Excuse me- that was extremely rude, you saw that I was waiting for that space." I said in an even tone. "I don't know what you're talking about- I was there the whole time." he lied. I proceeded to explain to him the whole sequence of events. A feeling of embarrassment and guilt washed over both their faces. He started to argue again, but something told him to stop. I was giving him the eye- the one your mom uses when she sees right through you. "Okay, already" he said like a scolded teenager(although he was a grown man- probably older than me). I could tell he wanted to say sorry- but he didn't. Nonetheless, my anger dissipated and turned into a sick kind of pride. I never had this skill before- the guilt that only a mother can put on you! This is the best new mama skill I've acquired so far! I'm sure I'll be using it for the rest of my life! I've had many years on the other end of the guilt trap, but now how the tables have turned! Aha ha ha ha (evil laughter).

I would like to... but I won't

I would like to donate all the clothes I haven't worn in two years. Every time I enter the closet- I get a horrible feeling. The room is closing in around me. There are PILES OF CLOTHES, shoes, socks- JUNK- stuff I will never fit into again, and stuff I will never wear even if I could fit into it. I would like to get rid of all this stuff...but I CAN'T! Here's an example; I have two ski outfits. TWO, and I have NEVER been skiing. I don't know how. They are probably BOTH too small for me. But I can't throw them away or donate them Oh no. What if I NEED THEM SOMEDAY? What if we go to the snow? and all of the sudden I lose some weight? What if I finally decide to take ski lessons? Then I will forever regret getting rid of those ski clothes, because I will have to shell out more money to buy myself a new one. This would be a waste. So instead, they hang there. Wasting space. Taunting me. I'm sick. I know.

Why do I need any of these clothes? I wear the same nursing tanktop (I have like 5 of these- all black) and jeans or shorts EVERYDAY. This drives me insane too. I can't wear anything else, I'm bound to these clothes as long as I'm breastfeeding- 6 more months!!! Then I can establish some semblance of style! Anyway- not that I have anything stylish in my closet anyway. Everything is so dated. And I just have too much crap. All this came from living in a large house/huge closet. You grow into it. You don't realize how much stuff you collect just because you have the room for it. I didn't think I was a packrat until I moved into a smaller house. I would like to get rid of this stuff...but I won't. For some stupid reason- I will go through the whole closet and pick out a small amount of stuff to bring to the Salvation Army. Then, the small bag I collect of stuff will sit in the hall for months. Then I will put it in my car, where it will sit for more time, until I get frustrated because it's taking up room in my trunk. Then that same small bag will go back into the hallway until I get frustrated from tripping over it all the time. So guess where that bag will go? Back into the closet. Out of sight, out of mind!

I would like to throw all the boxes we haven't unpacked yet away. I don't even want to look at the junk we don't need in these boxes. Just BURN THEM! Throw them away- I'm not missing any of that stuff. I don't NEED any of that stuff- obviously I've lived this long without that stuff. We don't have the room for this crap! I would like to scrap that stuff... but I won't. Every now and then, I will go through box by box and stare at whatever's in them FOREVER- and remember every little detail about how I once used this item, WAAAY back when and I will convince myself that I need this THING. This useless thing that has been sitting in this BOX for who knows HOW LONG?!?

I think it's a sickness. We're in danger of being one of those clean sweep families on TV, where I will have to sacrifice something sentimental and dear to me because I didn't make enough money at the yard sale. Someone please, please come over and rid me of all my junk. Leave me the good stuff though. SICK!

This just in: my husband shares this same sickness. I told him I was cleaning out the closet. "Should I throw out my certain souvenir shirt that I bought at certain event?" I ask. "No, we bought that." he says. "So, we bought everything in this closet," I say. "You should at least wear it one more time." he says. "But I will probably NEVER wear it again." I reply. "Well maybe next time we paint, you can wear it. Then you can throw it away."

WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT...

Babywipes? They are one of the greatest inventions ever. Not just good for diaper changes, oh no- they're wonderful for a plethora of things!

1. Cleaning shoes- they really do get the black out of your flip flops- and an added bonus- it leaves them smelling powdery fresh.
2. Feeling grimy, but no time to wash your face? Mascara under your eyes? Use a babywipe! An added bonus- most wipes contain Aloe and Vitamin E.
3. Bird just poop on your window? Drive into a hive of bees? Grab some babywipes!
4. Missed your mouth while eating? Food on your shirt/lap? BABYWIPE!
5. Does your dog have eye gremlins? BABYWIPE!

Yes, I am thankful for babywipes. I also don't know what I would do without moving cupholders (on the stroller). It is almost preposterous that I would actually have to HOLD my bottled water while walking.

Perpetual state of Exhaustion

I haven't slept well in 3 weeks. I don't know why. The bed I love seems incredibly uncomfortable lately. So I am in a state of exhaustion every minute of the day. Especially with Isaiah being 6 months old now. We are dealing with a heightened state of awareness (meaning he hates naps now) and separation anxiety (meaning he freaks out when I leave the room). At least he loves me now for more than just my milk! Anyway, I've lost a few screws. I am taking odd 5-7 minute naps during the day where I have really strange and vivid dreams that seem so real, I'm not sure if I'm asleep or awake. Earlier today the cell phone rang. When I went to pick it up, the person on the other end had a real staged, robotic voice saying something about the ABCs. Then I realized this was not my phone. This was Isaiah's TOY cell phone. Like I said, I've officially lost it! It's 9:30 and it's time for bed. I'm looking forward to another sleepless night. Good morning. night. whatever.

BABY FOOD IS MIGHTY TASTY!

Chewing is soooo labor intensive! Who knew that baby food would taste so good? Am I crazy? So, yes I do make Isaiah's baby food from scratch. I must say- this is good stuff. I think Isaiah eats way better than Dave and I do! First of all, he gets quite a variety- oatmeal, rice cereal, peas, applesauce, green beans, squash, zuccini, peaches, pears, bananas...All I seem to eat these days is cereal and milk. Second, his food is organic (when possible). The other day I made sweet potatoes. I just wanted to taste it to make sure it was okay. I ended up eating a small saucer full. Am I nuts? I think I'll be okay when I'm old and don't have teeth. Have you seen the variety they have at the grocery store? They now have baby Mexican food! Black beans, corn and rice. All that is missing is the cheese and salsa. Put that in a tortilla and you've got yourself a burrito!

OUR DATE NIGHT

We had our date night last Thursday and I have been meaning to write about it, but keep forgetting. This was our first REAL date since baby has been born. Isaiah went down at exactly 7pm for the night. Dave and I nervously left- but we knew he was in very capable hands.

We went to a great little Italian Trattoria called Vigilucci's. The food was divine. The ambiance was romantic. We sat outside in between two heaters. We ordered and didn't even worry about the prices (although they were quite reasonable). I even ordered a glass of wine (which I never do when dining out because for that price I could get a bottle at the store)! It was really strange not being preoccupied with a baby! We actually were able to finish a sentence and a thought all the way through! We talked about how weird it is that when you have a baby you miss certain freedoms so much, but at the same time, when your baby isn't there- you miss him even more. I wanted to call home to check on him about 30 min into our date, but I held off. "I'm sure he's fine." Dave said. I was sure too, but what if? What if he woke up? Our son has slept through the night completely since 10 weeks and has never woken up. But what if? Mothers worry. That's just what we do, even if we know things are fine. We worry.

After dinner we went across the street to the Martini Ranch for a cocktail. We've been wanting to check this place out for months, but just didn't think bringing Isaiah there would be appropriate! As soon as I walked in, I felt old and out of place! Not that there weren't older people than us there. But these people were just different. Mostly single, mostly blonde, lots of plastic, wearing the latest fashions. I felt old not by age, but in a way of ultra conservative, housewife, breastfeeding mother. Here we were in a bar with loud music, live band. PACKED BAR. I mean, packed! Dave ordered two drinks and we found a quiet place (if there's such a thing in a packed bar) to enjoy our drinks. I love a good specialty martini, and I haven't had a proper drink for over a year! So I had a Vanilla Mojito. This was DELICIOUS! Afterward we went to go look at the ocean. It was still glowing blue from the bioluminesence but starting to fade. It was a great night.

We came home early because we missed Isaiah. We just wanted to look at him. Our date was not even 3 hours long. I'm sure we will get better at it as time goes on. You don't really miss the things you used to miss! I love our family, I've never smiled so much in my life!

A bit about me you didn't know

I'm at a loss for something truly interesting to post today- but I haven't posted for awhile so I thought I would tell you something you might not know about me.

I used to own a Tarantula. I loved her. It was way back when Dave and I first lived together in Pomona. I didn't have Oscar and Mayer (my weenie dogs-living with my mom then) with me then, and I so missed having a pet. I wanted a new puppy so bad, but Dave said no. We were living in a tiny condo then- and we had no yard. I would go to the pet store and just stare longingly at the sweet lil pups, so tempted to just buy one (not that I could afford one from a puppy mill) anyway. Then, I spotted her- a beautiful Chilean Rose Hair Tarantula. She was cheap too, so I bought her. I was so excited- I brought her straight to Blockbuster. This was one of many of Dave's jobs then- he always had more than one, and he also was going to DeVry full time. I told him, "Dave, I did it, I bought something I really wanted." He just looked at me with a strange look. "It's small, and fuzzy and brown." "YOU didn't!" he said. I went out to the car and brought her in. The other customers in the store looked at me like I was looney. "WHY WOULD YOU WANT SUCH A THING!" some random stranger said. Dave smiled.

Chloe was the cutest, fuzziest little spider. I was never scared of her. Tarantulas are actually fascinating creatures. They are misunderstood, like snakes. She never bit me or used her venom. They are solitary creatures (like Betta fish) that can become tame. She would sit on my knee and we would watch TV. She would crawl from my hand to my shoulder. I loved her. She would molt every few months and make herself a twin sister. She grew to be the size of a deck of cards. I would let her walk around the house sometimes (of course I always watched her). After a few years, I got so busy I couldn't take care of her. Tarantulas are pretty high maintenance. She ate LIVE crickets. Crickets are dirty little things- they bring mites and all sorts of nastiness. I ended up giving her away to a friend who gave her to her cousin's sister's brother. Or something like that. I wonder if she is still alive today. Female tarantulas live about 20 years.

NEW MAMA SKILLS

1. Breastfeeding. I am a Master. I am ready, willing and able- anywhere, anytime - thanks to my breastfeeding apron: The Hooter Hider.

2. One handed eating. I am pretty much an expert at this (and so is Dave). Holding a baby and eating is really hard to do gracefully. But now, Dave and I have both become ambidextrous -being able to do it with the right or left hand.

3. Breastfeeding and one handed eating at the same time. I am also able to hold a conversation in addition to the above. And I've developed a liking for cold food. It's not tasty unless it's at least lukewarm. Hot food is totally overrated!

4. The snipe wipe. Dave has also mastered this skill. Isaiah hates having his face wiped. We get in and out before he even sees it coming, so we only get a second of yucky face.

5. The poopie diaper detector. I am like Santa Claus. You know, "he sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake..." only I know when Isaiah is taking a poop. I can even predict it before he starts grunting. I tell Dave, it's going to happen any second. And Presto! He poops. Dave is amazed. I guess since Isaiah came outta me, I can tell when something is going to come outta him! I can also tell when Isaiah has pooped when he does it stealth-like. I will say, "Dave, he pooped." And he will say, "I don't think he did, I can't smell anything, and he didn't grunt." Then we check, and there it is. I don't know how I know. It's like a 6th sense.

6. Diapering upside down. Lately Isaiah HATES having his diaper changed. He is so squirmy and wiggly, he always wants to turn over and play. So I have learned to change his diaper upside down (this is much more difficult with a poopie diaper). I am still a novice at this, and many times, I am tempted to just let him be naked all day. I have to admit, it is fun to see his chubby little baby butt though, and it's hard to resist playing butt bongo.

7. Carseats 101. It took my bestfriend Marissa coming over for me to realize I had mastered this subject. Bless her heart, to give me a break, Marissa carried the carseat everywhere we went. I could tell it was heavy and awkward for her, especially since she's not used to it (but she never complained, saying, "No, no, it's okay- I got it"). And I remember how freakin' impossible it seemed to get that darn seat into the base for the first couple of weeks. I would get all anxious and stressed out, breaking into a mild sweat. Now, it is just easy as pie for me to plop that thing in, hear it click and go. And although Isaiah has gotten heavier, my arms have also gotten stronger. Who needs free weights or the gym when you have a carseat and a baby?

I'm sure there are many more mothering skills to learn. I must say, PATIENCE is the most important thing I have learned. It truly is a virtue.

Doll Clothes

Last night I was putting away Isaiah's clothes that he has outgrown. I kept saying, "Dave look, how sad!" as I folded some of my favorite outfits and put them in the box. Where did the time go? How did my tiny little 6lb 12oz skinny newborn turn into a chubby 15 lb baby so fast!? I was especially sad, seeing the yellow preemie outfit we bought for him. We got it for him because everything he had was too big. But even the preemie outfit was too big, he was swimming in it when we first put it on! Now I couldn't squeeze him into it if I wanted to! They grow so fast. Yesterday, Isaiah sat up (tripod position) all by himself for the very first time to watch his sign language video! Next thing you know he will be standing. He has been in the begining stages of crawling for a long time. I fully expect to turn around one day and not see where I left him! It is amazing to see him learn and grow so fast. He loves the sign language video. You can literally see him absorbing it, soaking it all in like a sponge!

WHAT?

The curse of the missing keys strikes again! This morning I wake up, only I'm not at home. I'm at Tom and Lulu's house. I want to go check to see if my car will start- it did last night, but I didn't want to chance driving it home. We figured it out, I spilled coffee in the gear shifter. I guess MB is really sensitive, and will malfunction. So it just needs time to dry out. Damn German cars! I knew we should have stuck with Japanese! Anyway, back to my point. I was looking for my keys, and they are nowhere to be found. But then, Eureka! (for Isaiah)! I found Isaiah's keys. The plastic ones- in the bottom of the diaper bag. Now if these would only work on my car...

DATE NIGHT GONE WRONG

"Isaiah usually just goes right to sleep." "Victor never fusses this much." What happened to our well behaved baby boys? Just when it matters most, they fight sleep for entertainment. Like for Tom and Lulu's first scheduled date night in awhile. I came over with Isaiah, and things were going reasonably well... until Isaiah woke up and saw that Tom was not Daddy. And then, my car wouldn't start when I went to go move it out of the middle of Tom and Lulu's driveway. Car troubles, baby troubles, this was not a good start. Then the crying, Victor and Isaiah taking turns, then crying simultaneously. I like to think they were "bonding." Telling each other of their bedtime blues, and how mean their parents are for not letting them stay up!

Of course, if you were not a parent, you would not understand the agony, frustration and sheer madness that comes with trying to get a hysterical pretoddler to bed! If you were witnessing our children's behavior you would not believe us when we tell you what good babies they usually are. "Really, he's never like this, I swear!" we say. At least we believe each other!

At the first sign of silence I told Tom and Lulu"Get out, go on your date NOW or you may never leave!"

It is eerily quiet now. Two sweet little boys are out cold, sleeping cozy in their pj's. I should know, I've checked on them both like 8 thousand times! I am not at home so I am forced to relax. I painted my nails for the first time in 6 months! I watched Will & Grace for the first time in... forever! What? Grace got divorced? I didn't even know she was married!

I hope it turns out to be a great date for Tom & Lulu. For me, I am extremely proud- I PAINTED MY NAILS! FINGERS AND TOES! This is truly an accomplishment. I think I am going to like this date night thing. Practice makes perfect!

Now if only my car would start...

CURSE OF THE MISSING KEYS

What is it with keys? I can never find my keys. I am always telling myself, "But, I just HAD them a second ago! Where could they have gone?" As if they have legs and can walk. I thought this only happened to real keys. But now Isaiah's PLASTIC keys are missing! You know, the ones that babies like to chew on. They're gone. Did he go driving his jeep stroller and leave them at a friend's house? I'm sure they will turn up in the most obvious place (like the car)!