The Maternity Massage Table

This was the highlight of my whole Thanksgiving Weekend! After standing in those sale lines on Friday (buying nothing in particular that we needed, and then returning half the stuff on Saturday), both Dave and I had booked massages. This is a good idea for the after Thanksgiving sales, no matter what state you’re in. That horrible hectic morning of waking up at the butt crack of dawn, and standing in those terrible lines, just disappears after the massage and you start a brand new day! We might have to book massages every Friday after shopping the sales.

Back to my point, I got to use this special maternity table! It was the funniest looking table ever! It looked like a pregnant lady fell and tripped onto it and made these holes, a big round one for the belly and two additional ones for each boob (and of course, the one for your head). Although it was hard to get into at first, it was worth it! I haven’t laid face down for about 7 months! Peanut inside my belly was practically weightless in space, just hanging there. I wonder if Peanut was wondering where I went?!? Anyway, I could have laid there for hours, drooling into oblivion. If you ever get the chance when you are pregnant, the pregnancy table is a MUST try!

Too exhausted to sleep!

I am as a zombie today... last night was bad! My bladder woke me up for a total of 6 times to go to the bathroom. This is no easy feat, since it takes about 2 minutes to get out of bed (it's not easy rolling over when you are attached to a large beachball). I equate this to doing several three point turns in the car in a row instead of doing a regular u-turn. Then I stumble over to the bathroom, pee, wash my hands, and get back into bed. Then it takes another few minutes to find a comforable position, shift the pillow, roll onto my side, adjust the pillow between my legs, get the covers back on, and try warm up and relax. When I finally feel nice cozy, and just seconds before I seem to fall into slumber, guess what? I have to pee again! Good times. This makes for no sleep. Next thing you know, the alarm clock goes off, and it doesn't wake me up anyway since I am already awake. So, I skip work today, and figure I can just sleep in this morning, but I feel too tired to sleep! Does this make any sense at all? I can't seem to find a comfortable position, and I don't have the energy to roll over again, so I just lay there, doing nothing. Peanut was nice and active this morning, so I'm sure this didn't help. So here I am not really awake, but not asleep. I'm sure this is how it will be after I have the baby too, and I am up for all hours of the night breastfeeding. But at least I will have his/her sweet little face to look into!

So many preggers, so little rooms

Yesterday we went on our first hospital tour. I've never seen to many moms to be in my life! And there are only 3 Labor and Delivery rooms at that hospital! The hospital is very nice- more like a hacienda with nurses... I'm sure we won't all be giving birth at the same time!

We saw the Farters there again. I wonder if they were embarassed? I'm sure they're bound to show up on our next hospital tour too. They seem like very nice people- but they'll always be known as the Farters to me.

OH MY, I’M HUGE!

I feel very large today! Where did all this come from all of the sudden? I swear, I didn’t look this big yesterday. I feel like I am so much wider! And am I just walking slow… or could I be waddling? So today I chose to wear a red sweater, and I feel so much like Kool Aid walking down the hall! That’s nice. Yeah, and last night at our childbirth class, I felt like my belly was sticking out waaay further than any of the other preggers. Dave kept trying to reassure me that it’s all in my head. But still, I feel gihugic.

MOLLY SHANNON TEACHES MATERNITY

The teacher of our childbirth class looks and acts like Molly Shannon (from SNL and the movie Superstar). She is too funny! So we learned that 10 centimeters (you have to be dilated this much to start active labor) is the width of a small bagel or an English muffin! So next time you’re sitting down having breakfast… you just keep that in mind. A big ole baby has to pass through that leetle tiny hole.

Alright, I have a confession to make. I actually fell asleep for about a minute during the “relaxation exercises”. I was so tired, and what did you expect while the teacher has me lying on the floor with pillows, playing relaxing music? I woke up when the couple behind us farted. I guess they were trying so hard not to laugh (not sure what was so funny) but all of the sudden we heard someone fart! This was a genuine fart! I don’t know if it was momma to be or papa to be, but less than 30 seconds later, they had practically ran out the door! Good times, good times.

STRETCH MARKS, STRETCHING, AND THE LIKE…

For the past few days, the area right above my stomach is numb. It tingles sometimes, and sometimes feels really uncomfortable. Like there are hundreds of tiny needles poking me. I called Dr. Yang, and he says this is perfectly normal. What is happening is my uterus is growing and it is causing my ribs to S-T-R-E-T-C-H and expand! He says this is a common thing for people who are on the petite side (not that there’s anything petite about me right now). It is pretty amazing, the changes the human body goes through during pregnancy! My ribs may never be the same. They may expand and stay that way. Oh well, at least they will match my expanding hips and butt!!!

Speaking of changes, and stretching, on come the Stretch Marks! AHHH! I was doing so good slathering on the oils, creams, collagen, vitamin e, cocoa butter and lotion, more than religiously. I was feeling so great about my stretch mark free belly, until last month. One just came out of nowhere! I guess if you’re going to get them, you’re going to get them no matter what you do. Surprisingly, I am taking these little lines as lines of accomplishment! I don’t feel as bad as I thought I would about them (right now). And every time I feel Peanut move, I think I would take a thousand more of them, as long as our Peanut is healthy!

I NOW HAVE AN OUTTIE! Dave loves it! He likes to talk to it, like it’s the microphone to Peanut. “Is this thing on?” It’s so funny looking, I laugh almost every time I see it! And if I eat a lot, it really sticks out. Like it’s puckering up for a kiss! I never thought that deep chasm would pop out. It has been extremely easy to clean.

KANKLES, FAT FEET AND FLAT SHOES
Kankles- why are they called Kankles? Shouldn’t they be called Fankles (fat ankles)? I miss cute shoes. All the gals at work have those sexy healed leather boots on that I have packed away in storage. I can’t complain too much. My feet haven’t swelled all that much. I had a friend that looked like her feet and ankles were replaced by marshmallows! Of course, shoe shopping is agonizing! I have been on a quest to find attractive flat shoes- because almost ALL of my shoes are high heeled. Not only is it hard to find cute ones, it is tiring! Bending down is not what it used to be! Many a time, I have left the shoe store after hours of trying, with my head hung low, and no new shoes. Sometimes I torture myself and try on the cutest shoes I can find (no matter if the heel is 3 inches high), but I know I would pay with Charlie horses in the middle of the night if I even dare wear them for more than an hour!

Where's my glow?

Where is my glow? Shouldn’t it be here by now? They say, “Pregnant women have a glow.” I don’t glow! I’m 7 months pregnant now, and still, no glow. And who are they anyway? They say a lot of things. They say if your belly is really pointy (mine’s pointy), you’re going to have a boy. They say if your face breaks out a lot during pregnancy (which mine has), you’re going to have a girl. They say if you’re carrying high, you’ll have a girl, and if you’re carrying low you’ll have a boy (how about carrying medium?). They say if the baby moves a lot, it’s going to be a boy, and if the baby is calm- a girl. Who are THEY, and where the heck are they getting their information? I’d like to meet THEM and hold them accountable for all the times THEY’VE been wrong! So, yeah, I have no glow and I blame it on THEM.

CRAVINGS!!!

One of the most common questions I have since I've been pregnant has been: Have you had any weird cravings?Well, nothing really out of the ordinary like peanut butter and sardine sandwiches, but I have had a NEED for certain foods I normally wouldn't want. And when I want them, I can't get enough!

Last month, my cravings were hot cocoa, rocky road candy bars, Mint n Chip icecream, rice dream, soymilk, milk, oreo cookies, chocolate- especially dark chocolate. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I really don't care for chocolate or sweets like that, but last month, I could not get enough! Peanut seems to really love dark chocolate- especially Hershey's special dark, because she/he moves like crazy whenever I ate it! I started to get scared thinking I was getting our baby addicted to caffeine, and stunting his/her growth (and our child is already destined to be short). That is, until I found out that scienfic research shows that consuming chocolate during pregnancy, could later have positive effects on baby’s moods, and that the trace amounts of caffeine in chocolate would not harm Peanut. So it was all over from there! I ate tons of chocolate, and felt darn good about it… until I started feeling like I was getting fat, not just prego fat, but FAT fat- I could feel my butt getting wider. But by then, it was too late, I was addicted. I was up to 4 pieces a day, and mint n’ chip icecream almost every night. I even had to give Dave control of my stash so he could limit my obsession. But working in an office environment, I had plenty of opportunity to cheat. It doesn’t help either, when people are bringing cookies, brownies, candy and other chocolately goods to your desk and insisting that you take one because “the baby wants some.” Resistance was futile. I had been assimilated.

Strangely enough, right now, I could care less for anything chocolatey. I've had a Hershey's special dark chocolate candy on my desk for a week now, and I'm not even interested. It just doesn’t do it for me anymore. These last few weeks, I can't get enough grapefruit (pummelos, red globe), clementine tangerines, pineapple, grapefruit juice, and purple FROST Gatorade (what's that all about?)! I ate 4 grapefruits in one day, and I only stopped because Dave said I would wear away the enamel on my teeth! Guess I am gearing up on Vitamin C for the winter?