Taking Care of Me
I wrote this a few weeks ago, but forgot to post it:
It’s my own fault really. I haven’t taken care of me. I haven’t done nice things for myself. I don’t have me time because I feel like I miss out on family time with my husband and my kids. I haven’t bought anything nice for myself in ages. Haven’t gotten my nails done in years. Haven’t really even worn makeup or bought cute shoes in forever. My last adult beverage? I can’t even recall. Seriously it’s quite sad. I even slept through the New Year.
I wear some variation of the “mom uniform” everyday. You know- the sporty velour pantsuit outfit, or jeans and a black tanktop. Shoes? Try really old slip on tennis shoes or flip flops. So sad, I used to be so into cute shoes, now I don’t even know what cute is! Everything I wear is spit up friendly and breastfeeding accessible. Yep, my closet is sad. My wardrobe is pathetic! Partly because motherhood changes your body- pregnancy, postpartum, breastfeeding- I have no idea even what size I am. I do know that I’m holding on to way too many size 2 clothes that I’ll NEVER fit in again! I really miss nice clothes and nice shoes and have to stop shopping at Target to get my wardrobe! My purse, let’s see- I haven’t had a real, nice purse in years. Sadly- I take my diaper bag EVERYWHERE, even when the kids are not with me (but not having kids with me is very rare).
It’s not just the materialistic stuff… I haven’t read a book that didn’t have to do with parenting in years. I don’t take baths because the kids use our master bath and there are toys and a bath seat instead of candles and bubble bath there.
Everything about me lately is practical and domestic. I USED to be fun and spontaneous- what happened to that? I AM SO FEELING 30 AND IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY.
So this year, I’m ready to have a little fun. Spoil myself a little. I need to be a happy mommy and not pity myself for just being that and nothing else. I’d like to think I am so much more than that! I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I don’t know where to find the time or the energy, but I’m going to try real hard to be good to me. It’ll be my 30th birthday present to myself. Because how can I be a good mommy if I am not happy with myself? So, I’m going to stop feeling sorry for myself. Self pity doesn’t suit me and I don’t like feeling this way.
Maybe it’s me turning 30 soon, or maybe watching the super materialistic world of Cashmere Mafia (which I HATE but can’t stop watching) has made me feel well… small and lost. As a Stay At Home Mom, it can be so hard not to lose yourself in Mommyland. I guess I feel like my life hasn’t been my own lately. Don’t take this wrong- I absolutely LOVE staying at home with my kids, experiencing every milestone, getting paid in hugs and kisses, feeling joy every day. I know lots of moms who would do anything to stay home with their kids. And really, I would absolutely, without a doubt, not have it any other way.
I guess it’s just like anything else. You get burnt out sometimes. Everyday seems the same, diapers, potty, runny noses, feeding, washing, laundry, dinner, bed time routines- over and over again and again.
It’s my own fault really. I haven’t taken care of me. I haven’t done nice things for myself. I don’t have me time because I feel like I miss out on family time with my husband and my kids. I haven’t bought anything nice for myself in ages. Haven’t gotten my nails done in years. Haven’t really even worn makeup or bought cute shoes in forever. My last adult beverage? I can’t even recall. Seriously it’s quite sad. I even slept through the New Year.
I wear some variation of the “mom uniform” everyday. You know- the sporty velour pantsuit outfit, or jeans and a black tanktop. Shoes? Try really old slip on tennis shoes or flip flops. So sad, I used to be so into cute shoes, now I don’t even know what cute is! Everything I wear is spit up friendly and breastfeeding accessible. Yep, my closet is sad. My wardrobe is pathetic! Partly because motherhood changes your body- pregnancy, postpartum, breastfeeding- I have no idea even what size I am. I do know that I’m holding on to way too many size 2 clothes that I’ll NEVER fit in again! I really miss nice clothes and nice shoes and have to stop shopping at Target to get my wardrobe! My purse, let’s see- I haven’t had a real, nice purse in years. Sadly- I take my diaper bag EVERYWHERE, even when the kids are not with me (but not having kids with me is very rare).
It’s not just the materialistic stuff… I haven’t read a book that didn’t have to do with parenting in years. I don’t take baths because the kids use our master bath and there are toys and a bath seat instead of candles and bubble bath there.
Everything about me lately is practical and domestic. I USED to be fun and spontaneous- what happened to that? I AM SO FEELING 30 AND IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY.
So this year, I’m ready to have a little fun. Spoil myself a little. I need to be a happy mommy and not pity myself for just being that and nothing else. I’d like to think I am so much more than that! I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I don’t know where to find the time or the energy, but I’m going to try real hard to be good to me. It’ll be my 30th birthday present to myself. Because how can I be a good mommy if I am not happy with myself? So, I’m going to stop feeling sorry for myself. Self pity doesn’t suit me and I don’t like feeling this way.
posted by Eileen at 10:40 PM
1 Comments:
Hey don't feel so bad...I seriously just had this conversation w/ Fati the other day. How I need to buy a whole new wardrobe b/c I have NOTHING!!
I don't even carry a purse anymore...If I do, I lose it. I just carry my ID and Debit card in my back pocket. Oh and my pass to whatever park we are going to that day!! :) LOL!!
I keep throwing shoes away but haven't had the time to replace them, so pretty soon I am going to be barefoot, but not pregnant!
Aaaaahhhh....parenthood, we love it!! :) We'll be the moms who are stuck in the 2000's (you know, instead of the 80's)!! NOOOOO....
We should go on a shopping date.
Maria :)
Post a Comment
<< Home