THE MOTHERLOAD

It's really not Valentine's Day until you get pooped and peed on in the same morning. I knew he wasn't done. He was still squirmy and grunting. Isaiah was trying to tell me he wasn't done. But it had been so long since I last heard the explosive poop come firing out, that I thought, he has to be done by now! It was going so well. By now I have learned to keep a paper towel over his winky to keep him from showering himself. I was just about done, and I had even smeared some butt paste all over his little bottom. He was ready to go. 3...2...1...lift off, I lifted him up to place a nice fresh diaper under him. That was when it happened. The motherload of all whammies! It came flying out of him like water from a high pressure hose! Only it wasn't water...or pee. It was poop. Bright mustard yellow... all over the towel, the waterproof pad underneath, and yes, even onto the floor below. It happened so fast, yet I can see it happening in slow motion. OHHHH NOOOOO, I can hear myself say. Then I looked at myself. Poop everywhere, in my hair, on my shirt, and it had even made it onto my pants. WHAT AM I FEEDING THIS KID? Then, to make this occasion even more special, as I was madly grabbing paper towels trying to clean everything, he peed. Like a glorious fountain! AHH, the joys of motherhood. After showering us both off, and wet vacuuming the floor, I am doing laundry now... AGAIN.